I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
