This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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