dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I would fuck him just for his dog
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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