we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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