You work out of a Hotel?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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