Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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