we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
