Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
