i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
