Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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