i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
