Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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