he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
