Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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