She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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