and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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