Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
