A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
