distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
