? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
