I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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