what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
