I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
