I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
