Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
