then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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