Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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