I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
