New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We got so high we made milksteak
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
