smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
