Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
