She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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