You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
