It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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