Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
