people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
