But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
