I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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