I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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