i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
