Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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