Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
