i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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