I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
