i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
two words: eviction party
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
