I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
