If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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