you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
