I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
