dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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