During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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