yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
