drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The air taste purple.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
